I stayed up late to finish a book and Camden woke me up at 3 a.m., and then storms woke me up at 7:30 a.m. So, we have been having fun enjoying a rainy and lazy Sunday morning. Both boys have each had a friend over since about 9:45 a.m. and it is now 2 p.m. I fried some yummy fish I bought at the store yesterday for lunch. It was a breaded, spicy Cajun Talipa. After lunch Cliff and I talked about the books we are reading and he let me read part of my book to him. We talked about it for awhile and it was nice to talk. It has been really neat having him home and around so much. We've had a few rough patches and demons to conquer over the months, but overall we are very glad to be alive and in this life together.
It is amazing how many demons Cliff and I have both had to overcome this past year. Demons like losing a baby last year, Cliff's mom's death in October, Cliff being gone for most the year in Iraq, and other demons. But with a lot of hard work, patience, determination, and love we just keep at it. I know the bonds Cliff has with his sons has made a huge difference. He has told me it makes him love me more to see how his boys are as people. It is never easy being a parent, but the joy is there. We have learned to let go and trust more than ever. The hardest times of my life were when either one of us or both of us didn't let go and trust. That need to control situations, outcomes, and others is very draining. It almost killed our marriage and family. I am thankful we are past that time. But I know we will always have bumps in the road and grief to overcome.
It's nice to have Cliff here and have his undivided attention more than I ever have since becoming a mom. We talk a lot about the boys, dreams for the future, the house, fun things we want to do as a couple, and a family. We talk about how much we have changed over the past few years. He notices changes in me, like attitude and appearance that he likes. It feels so good to work so hard and to be appreciated and cherished. I have been doing a lot of inner work over the past year and taking better care of myself mentally and physically. He has been complimentary about the boys and how they are turning out as people. He listened to a phone conversation I had yesterday and how much this person loves our kids, and wants them in their life, despite a great distance. That made us feel good to have such raves about our boys and the work we are doing. But we don't do what we do for praise. We do it for the love of our boys and need for them to be happy inside and out. We know they have an inner calm and confidence most people don't have the luxury of at their ages or even later. And we aren't near perfect 100% of the time. Just a work in progress.
Also, Cliff is healing well and will be going to physical rehab this coming week. So, now we off to have a family adventure now that it is not raining and we have rested up. Much love to the universe! XOXOXXO
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