Silver linings

silver lining n.

A hopeful or comforting prospect in the midst of difficulty.

That sums up the past few weeks watching Cliff's mom go through all her final transformations. Around 1:00 a.m. this morning she slowly took her last breaths. Camden (3) told a neighbor, Grandma's face changed. She seemed to be between two dimensions the past 12 hours. And she was granted permission by her children to leave this life when she is ready, and so she did. It was such a hard thing for them to do, having lost their dad in December of '06.

We chose to include our kids in saying our goodbyes to her. I took them up to the hospital and Cliff took them in her room. It was important for us to let them see where Cliff has been twice a day the past week and why. We do not want to make death a mysterious and frightening thing. Camden did not want to go in her room again after the first 1 minute visit, so he didn't.

Life is so full of wonderful things and some hard decisions as well. I'm certainly feeling some relief that Cliff's mom is no longer in pain. But it was a hard decision for the family to make. They could have kept her going on machines, but she was beyond all hope of survival. She had a stroke, pneumonia, and lung cancer within 3 weeks.

I feel so grateful I could be here to help my husband through this difficult time. I feel so relieved I can be home with the kids so they can spend time with their dad and help take his mind off of his grief. I realize financially we may struggle, but in times like this it all seems extra special to be home. The relationships we have time to make with our kids seems so important in times like this as well. They, and we, are better for it and having them be in situations where there are no other children brings smiles and joy to many who may be down. It helps other people to see life's silver linings and it joins our hearts as humans in so many ways. Children are a joy to be seen and heard. Life is much more than learning your ABCs and 1, 2, 3 s. Life is about so many more things like compassion and stamina when times are tough.

I'm going on 3 hours sleep and 4 the night before. Sleep seems unimportant lately, but if I made numerous typos, please forgive. Silver linings are all around....