Tough times don't last...

I'm struggling today and feeling a little discouraged. I know all will be o.k. but I just want to be known for being real and not fake. I try really hard to be up but today I am just blah.

Today was just one of those days. And the week did not end the way we had expected. I didn't cry or go nuts today and I am trying to remain calm. We had expected Cliff to have a new job lined up for next week. And not only did we not get anything lined up but he didn't get one call for a job. He made lots of return calls and sent out resumes so we expected at least a few calls. So maybe the world is preoccupied with school starting up or enjoying the last bit of summer. So we are starting the weekend off on a sour note. Next week will bring some better news on this front, I hope! If not I will try to remain calm and not flip out. But I can only handle so much stress world.

Another thing that has been on my mind a lot: Earlier this summer we spent three weeks with my sister and her son, Robbie in the Houston area. The pics taken were from last year's visit. We were at the Gulf Coast visiting family who live on the beach. This summer Robbie and Camden really bonded and Holden bonded even more with his cousin. I wish I had some pics to post. The ones I took this year are not ones I'd post.

Soon after our visit Robbie's dad died while they were on a camping trip together. It proved to me once again how fragile life is! And gave me another wake up call to respect the here and now as much as possible. Of course, I feel just awful for my nephew who is so young to lose his dad. My sister and her son's dad were divorced and he had remarried. It has still been a crazy summer for this part of my family. I wish we were on the road so we could be there to show our support. I feel stuck more than ever and ready to fly from the responsibility and restrainsts of home ownership.

When Cliff is not faxing resumes and making calls to line up another job on the road he is working on finishing up some home maintenance projects. He's trying very hard to get the house in selling condition for next spring. We're going to talk to a real estate agent and figure out what we need to do to be ready to sell our house. I've been giving stuff away and decluttering for months now. It's going to be tough to move from here. Camden was born in our house and we moved here when Holden was 5 months old. He learned to walk here and we have a lot of happy memories here. But we know we'll make memories wherever we are! And I am not as happy here when Cliff is on the road. We all miss him and want to travel with him!

I woke up and mowed the grass. It was a beautiful day out all day! Weather wise this has been a spectacular summer for Cliff to have so much time off.

Holden had friends over all day and when he wasn't here with friends he was at their house. It was one of those days of constant monitoring kids and where-abouts. Holden came home from one friend's house and said he had his feelings hurt because the friend ignored his request to jump on the trampoline. Then a little while later the friend came over to redeem himself. It's so odd to see Holden growing up so quickly. But he is mature for 4. Holden went over to another friend's next door later and when he came home he chose to help me put away clean silverware instead of listening to music with his dad and Camden. It was nice to spend time with him. Some of the silverware had not come clean in the dishwasher so he grabbed a rag to wipe them off. I found something that needed more cleaning as well and went to wipe it off and he offered to do it for me. I'm not sure why he is so sweet to me. Maybe I'm not the wicked witch I think I am sometimes and he likes to be with me? Either way I am liking this stage he is in! We have our moments but overall it's fun to be with him.

We didn't make it to the pool today and I am sad! We always have so much fun playing in the water with the kids.

I'm hoping tomorrow I will wake up happy and shake off the blahs! So there you have it. I am not always perky and positive. I have my fears and worries too. Although in my heart I know tough times mean I will appreciate the happy days even more. And tough times never last but tough people do... My life could be a heck of a lot worse too. We are healthy and will have a long life together! Right??! Oh? What do you mean? No guarantees! Yeah I know. So I better wake up happy and enjoy the weekend no matter what! It's not what happens to me but how I handle it...I am responsible for my happiness. Yes I know! But some days I just have to let myself have a pity party. It makes me human.

O.k. off to sleep off the blahs...Hope you're in a happy place!