Friday, January 8, 2010

No More Spanking

Why not spank? It is wrong and unfair to use hitting to control another person. If I walked up and spanked you how would you react? Support for those wishing to make the transition to respectful parenting from control (click links): (Buy her book and read it) (Awesome!!!)

Change is a really slow process. If you shift your reactions by 1% every week you will make progress.

If you are stressed out find out why and make changes.
If you are overwhelmed, get support from those who don't believe in spanking.
Yoga helps move you from physical reactions to loving ones.
Tell yourself you can do it.
Tell yourself you love your kids and they deserve better.
Breathe deep when you start to feel stressed out.
Try to take naps with little ones, if you are tired.
Say no to outside distractions if you are stressed out.
Get away from negative people and thinking.
Don't beat yourself up if you screw up.
Apologize when you screw up.
Bond with your kids.
Smell their hair.
Hug them.
Treat them the way you would want to be treated.
Don't tell yourself they are bad or deserve to be treated with spankings.
Don't be an armchair parent.
Get involved.
Play with them.
Get down on their eye level.
Listen to them.
Love them.
See things from their viewpoint.
Ask your spouse for help.
Ask your spouse to get support too.
Love your spouse.
Model joy and kindness.
Don't put a lid on your own anger.
Direct your anger somewhere other than kids.
Cry when you are sad.
Laugh when you are happy.
Let your kids feel sadness or anger.
It is part of life.
Don't blame your kids for your problems.
Get counseling from someone who can help process your own inner child issues.
Scott Noelle is a good one.
Get Scott Noelle's Daily Groove emails.
There are lots of parenting coaches who can help over the phone.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
Treat your kids with the same love and respect you would give to a friend who is in pain or frustrated.

Love to all!!!



Alicia said...

I loved your list of alternatives to spanking. Its great to hear that so many people are departing from an old, barbaric way of handling frustration and anger. As someone who has spent a lot of time with a lot of different kiddos, I completely understand the inclination to lash out when it FEELS like there is NOTHING else to turn to. It just isn't right. Ever. Under any circumstances. Most importantly though, you didn't just call spanking wrong, you offered alternatives and resources and this is one of the reasons that I admire you so much. You are kind of a super genius! xoxo

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

People used to think it was necessary to "spank" adult members of the community, military trainees, and prisoners. In some countries they still do. In our country, it is considered sexual assault if a person over the age of 18 is "spanked", but only if over the age of 18.

For one thing, buttock-battering can vibrate the pudendal nerve, which can lead to sexual arousal. There are multitudinous other physiological ways in which it can be sexually abusive, but I won't list them all here. One can use the resources I've posted if they want to learn more.

Child bottom-battering/slapping vs. DISCIPLINE:

Child bottom-battering (euphemistically labeled "spanking","swatting","switching","smacking", "paddling",or other cute-sounding names) for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.

Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.

I think the reason why television shows like "Supernanny" and "Dr. Phil" are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do.

There are several reasons why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:

Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak,

The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson,

by Lesli Taylor M.D. and Adah Maurer Ph.D.

Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. There is an abundance of educational resources, testimony, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research with the recommended reads-visit

Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea:

American Academy of Pediatrics,
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,
American Psychological Association,
Center For Effective Discipline,
Churches' Network For Non-Violence,
Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,
Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps,
Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,
United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.

In 26 countries, child corporal punishment is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.

Alex Polikowsky said...

this is a great link:


Heather's Moving Castle said...

Wow! Nice to see so many positive comments and people out there who has also realize that there are better ways of reacting and being. I wish I would have known all this before having kids. But I feel I have made a lot of realizations having parented both ways....from a place of needing compliance, order, control to wanting kids who feel whole and are whole. I started this respectful parenting path fully when my oldest was about 2 or 3. It was a rocky and slippery slope. There were lots of tears from me and them. It can seem so daunting when you want to do better, but feel so alone, confused, and frustrated with old reactions from yourself. There isn't a lot of support next door for this type of parenting. But the internet and books helped me meet a lot of people who showed me better ways to see life and my kids.

Thanks for the link, Alex. I added it to the list above. :O)