We're back in Iowa

Sorry to leave you all wondering. Thank you for all the kind words on myspace and thru emails this past week. The kids and I made it back home safely on Friday afternoon. We drove thru overcast and rain for two days and when we crossed the Iowa border the skies turned neon blue and sunny. It was a nice welcome back. The kids in our town were on spring break still and we had a house full of kids the whole afternoon we returned. They all missed us.

We had a very nice time in Texas. We didn't make it to the coast, but hopefully we'll be able to go back this summer. My car brakes and many other items were fixed by one of my uncle's mechanics. My uncle paid for it. My family was so kind and gracious to us the whole time. It was hard to say goodbye. But now that I am home and the weather is so nice, I feel o.k. I am so glad we took the time to go see family though. It helped me tremendously. I feel like I got that change of scenery I needed. I won't wait so long next time I feel I am sinking.

Cliff had this weekend off. He was supposed to work on Saturday, but he called in sick. We had a nice weekend. He had to leave to go back to Nebraska tonight. This morning I was really feeling overwhelmed so I got in touch with a friend and she graciously listened to me cry. And then we spent a few more hours talking and laughing too. It helped a lot. I came home a better mom and wife.

I think I was feeling overwhelmed about everything going on in general. A new thing that I have to worry about that Cliff told me he told me about a while back was his job assignment in Iraq. I don't remember him telling me though (my brain was in reverse?). My family asked a million questions about his orders from the Navy Reserves to serve in Iraq in July. One was what his job will be. So I asked Cliff the other day and he told me (again??) that he is going to be in special forces. I don't know the exact job title he told me. The gist is that he will be kicking in doors of suspected terrorists. He was in the Air Force military police for 4 years when he got out of high school. He had special training to kick in doors. The Navy folks found this out, apparently. He has been feeling very stressed about his job assignment in Iraq for awhile.

Before I left to see my family we were seriously considering divorce. But we have committed to give it one more shot. I feel like this do over is different. Cliff is acting a lot like he is worried he may not ever come home. Everyone he talks to seems to have a friend, brother, or someone who went to Iraq and never made it home. I have talked to lots of people who say the same. This weekend we tried really hard to love and respect and care about each other and our kids. This may be our last chance to do over. But we are trying to stay positive. The next year is going to be the hardest one ever for us as a family. We want to enjoy the time we have together now. Things will never be the same for us when he gets back. War changes people and we are somewhat afraid of the unknown.

I had a lot of other things I wanted to blog about. I wish I wasn't so tired. I am ready for sleep. One thing I want to mention is that I love the paint job our special friends helped with at our place. It looks a lot peppier here!

Another thing is that I hope to be getting in contact with Julia about the Japanese dolls she wanted to trade for our tent and raft (see bus4abus blog). I have a full week here, but hopefully we will trade soon. So if you're reading Julia, I didn't forget. :~)

I'm off to add pics from Texas to this blog. I think most are of my family and the boys relaxing or goofing off. I didn't get any pics of Holden riding his bike without his training wheels for the first time. So cool! Happy trails all!!

Photos (not in order): sand (Dino Dig) and also microscope: Nature Preserve Center in Zilker Park, Austin with an aunt; Red Lobster in Austin with my cousin Mike, uncle and uncle's girlfriend (Camden is in red shirt); my Granny with my guys and their cousin at Lake Conroe in Conroe, TX; my cousin's new wife, Xin (Shin) with my 93 y.o. grandmother at Red Lobster in Austin; my brother playing video games with my nephew and Camden in back; me and my guys with my nephew, Robbie; Mexican bicycle ice cream vendor in south Houston, in front of my aunt Linda's house. We bought two real fruit popsicles: banana and coconut. Yummy! I have pics of my sister, Heidi, but she'd kill me if I posted them here. Wish I'd have taken better pics of you, Sis and brother!