Just another rainy day in paradise

It is freezing rain here today and snow is on its way. But we got a nice break from the bleak and cold, and for that I am so thankful! I know we'll see sunny days again soon.

Our basement is really looking nice after our helper was here for 6 hours this past week. He is a free spirit. He just got back from a month long trip to Mexico and is now in Colorado interviewing for a summer job as a fly fishing guide. He rode out with his brother who is in a band and has a gig there. Our helper (Ben) drove the tour bus. He, Ben, used to live and travel in an Airstream RV for a year and a half. He currently lives in a studio his dad owns. Ben is a photographer as well. We are so glad he was able to get the drywall done in the basement. He is coming back to prime it later this week.

Cliff is working for the Navy Reserves this weekend and next weekend. He has been recovering from a nasty sinus infection. We have been going through a lot of turmoil since he has been working out of state and I went through a rough 1st tri-mester of being pregnant, then his dad passed away, and then it was confirmed about 2 or 3 weeks ago that he will be going to Iraq in July. Needless to say that is a lot of mountains to overcome with financial burdens in the background to keep him away from us when we needed to be together. We have really grown apart more than ever and will be getting a divorce. It has been a really emotional decision but we both feel it is for the best since it has really been a long time coming. This is something we have been discussing rationally (and otherwise at times) for weeks now. He does not want to travel in an RV and we are certain we are no longer able to rekindle the love passion we once had to make it stick. He has no desire to move home now to even try and I think we would just kill each other anyhow with all the stress we are under. We have been to counseling over the years and it never helped us for long. There are lots of other issues and reasons for this that I can not openly write about here. The bottom line is we will remain friends and support each other as best we can. We are doing fine as friends now. For financial reasons we will remain married while he is in Iraq. That was his idea, and since I will have my hands full with the kids--and not remotely interested in looking for another relationship any time soon, that is just as well with me.

I am actively trying to get our house ready to sell and researching RVs for the kids and I to live in. We will live in an RV after the house sells. This will allow us to have some family time and hopefully fun time before Cliff leaves in July. He will get unemployment come April/May and we can do odd jobs to stay afloat. But the financial burdens of our current lifestyle are choking us, so we need to move on from this situation. Plus the drug dealers I helped send to prison will be out in the next 6 to 12 months and I don't feel safe in this location anyhow.

So there you have it! I have been debating about posting this for awhile and what the heck. Sooner or later it would have come out. The baby in my belly will be loved and cared for whether his/her dad is here or not. I believe this with all my heart and Cliff and I will do all we can to be sure of that!

In these photos the boys are playing with a few items from Dollar General they asked for and I tried to take some pics of the freezing rain. We went to the store in our little area (2 miles away) and the power lines are sagging with frozen ice. Hope we don't have any outages.

Much love and peace to all!!! May you be surrounded by those you love and in rays of joy!