Wednesday, September 13, 2006

To barter for a bus? That is the question.

Several people whom I trust (you know who you are) have made a point to let me know they support my idea to barter for a bus/rv. I really appreciate the support on this and any input or creative ideas.

Cliff and I have not discussed it further. However, I have been thinking about it a lot this week. If I do it would most likely create another blog. I am going over in my mind what this blog would look like, what I would call it, what details I would want to disclose about our situation, why the need for an RV/bus, and what to barter/trade up with.

I've been gathering my thoughts. And I am amazed with all the reasons we want a bus/rv and why we are worthy. I don't want to come off as desperate or like I am looking for a hand out though. I truly do not feel sorry for myself. I see this as an adventure and positive opportunity. Just like all life experiences.

Some of my background (may be too much info for you):
Mom was a severe manic depressive most of my childhood and not always in my life. She was homeless a few times in later adulthood.
I was mostly raised by my mom's mom, my grandma.
At 5 I learned my sister and I had different fathers. I had always suspected this since I was spanked (or beaten?) like a step child. I can laugh now.
At 11 my mom tried to explain my real dad to me and how much she loved him.
At 14 my mom voluntarily put me in a girl's group home.
At 16 I moved to Nebraska (long story).
At 17 I met and fell in love with Cliff.
At 18 I moved back home to Texas.
At 19 I moved to Montana to be with Cliff and go to college.
At 19 Cliff and I got engaged.
At 21 we (Cliff and I) moved to his home state of Iowa.
At 22 Cliff and I got married.
At 27 Cliff earns his college degree to be a computer programmer.
At 28 we moved to Texas.
At 28 economy starts to plummet.
At 28 Cliff loses his nice paying job after we have a house built.
At 28 we move back to Iowa.
At 29 I had Holden. I began suffering from terrible anxiety attacks or postpartum depression.
At 30 Cliff loses another decent job as a computer programmer.
Cliff works an assortment of terrible jobs and we are now poor. lol.
Cliff tries working insurance jobs after deciding he wants to be his own boss and is not cut out to be a programmer and take orders all day from crappy bosses.
At 31 I had Camden.
At 31 my mom dies suddenly of a stroke at age 52.
At 32 I find my biological father, is deceased and 2 sisters and a brother living on the east coast.
I spent lots of time learning about my new family via emails. I learn my bio dad is somehow related to John Muir, father of the Sierra Club, founder of U.S. National Parks.
At 32 I decide I want to move into an RV and travel around the U.S. Cliff thinks I am crazy.
At 33 we help the police bust 3 drug dealers/manufacturers across the street from us. I testify under oathe as a witness and they all three go to prison. They will all be out within 3 years.
At 33 Cliff decides I am not crazy and we start to think about selling our house to travel while he works as a traveling electrician or whatever work he can find.

Cliff's mom and step dad live near us. We moved here because his mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 1993. She was not supposed to live. Cliff's dad had a massive heart attack a few years later. Neither of his parents are well mentally or physically and are not capable of being warm and supportive at this time in their lives. Cliff and I are almost like orphans sometimes. But we have always found many angels and people who have tried to guide us and treat us like family and we are grateful. Life hasn't always been easy, but we are doing well despite it all. Becoming parents has been the best healer of old wounds. Thru loving our kids, we are loving ourselves and reliving our lost childhoods and healing our traumatic infancies.

These are just a few highlights. There's lots in between. I think some of these events explain my need for change and the ability to travel. I have never been the type to stay in one place for long. I like changes in scenery. I want to see family in Texas more and meet my family in Maine. Also, I don't want to be in this area when the men I helped put in prison are released.

So I am going to think and meditate about the bartering and what to do from here. Please send your creative vibes my way!

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